Saturday, January 22, 2011


January can be a cold, dreary time of the year.  The let down after the holidays, the typical, 'no spending' verdict that comes crashing down after a frivolous Christmas can really get you down.  

To combat the winter blues, I decided I would start a RIDICULOUS STUFF I WANT List.

Now bear in mind that several of these things were on my Christmas list, which I coined "The $800 Christmas," but Santa didn't manage to get them under the tree this year. Hmmm...maybe I wasn't quite as good as I should have been, or maybe Santa's getting Stingy.  He's got elves to keep wood on the fire, who needs to pay the gas bill, or eat?


1. Treadmill - My darling, kind, teaching partner gave me her old elliptical.  I used it, but could only last about 15 minutes before I got seasick from the unstable rocking.   20 minutes on that thing led to a severe case of vertigo.  Mr. B said he'd consider getting a treadmill if I sell my arsenal of Cathe Freidrich videos, which, rumor has it, are worth an unprecedented $5,000.  (The receipts have long since been burned.) I collect workout DVDs like my Grandma Mary collected shot glasses.  Stacked up and dusty, but NEVER used.  Regardless, Mr. B and I carried the H.M.S. Elliptical out to the curb just a week ago.  I hope the poor schmuck who picked it has his own arsenal of Dramamine.
2. Fancy Camera with cool lenses - When I was in the height of my photo/recipe blogging career, the value of a quality camera became apparent to me.  I've always been annoyed by poor camera shots with bad lighting.  When the Best Buy ad came in the mail and I slid the page full of Canons over to Mr. B., he laughed at me and told me to call Kodak to get our dinky digital fixed. Boo.

3. Vitamix - this is the culinary desire of every vegan or health food junkie I have ever met.  Apparently, this is a bladed tornado masquerading as a blender/food processor/sous chef.  Each time I bend the blades straight on my immersion blender, I think longingly of a Vitamix.  However, at the cost of a week at Disney, I'm not sure when I'll see one on my kitchen, yes I am - NEVER.

4. Tofu X-Press Tofu Press - With the animal product ban I've laid on our house, our consumption of tofu has definitely increased.  Most people scoff or turn their nose up at what they imagine as a gooey block of white, flavorless, blah.  Frankly, their imaginations are not far from the truth.  It is white, flavorless and gooey if you don't press the excess water out of it.  Typically, to drain my tofu block, I wrap it in an obscene, non-earth friendly amount of paper towels, place it in a pie plate, lay a cutting board on top, then stack every cookbook I own on top to squeeze the water out. Now, the little tofu press only runs about $40. And although tofu has no bad fats or cholesterol, the mere mention of spending money on a weird, plastic, springed contraption causes Mr. B's blood pressure to sky rocket.  We are still debating the health benefits.   
5. A headboard - We have always been blessed to have a roof over our heads, Sauder Wal-Mart furniture to cushion our backsides, and a nice bed to sleep in.  However, we've yet to invest in headboard to up our bedroom status from that of college apartment to marital haven.  Don't question my equation of headboard to marital bliss, but I am sure the research is out there. If you disagree, you may sleep on the unheadboarded couch.

6. Fancy Snowboots - For the first two winters we lived in Kansas, it was unseasonably warm and mild.  I'm not even sure it snowed.  I know for a fact I hung Christmas lights in a T-shirt the day after Thanksgiving.  The past three winters, on the other hand, have included an ice storm, several snow storms and wind colder than I have ever imagined.  And snow. Did I mention snow? My Nike running shoes are not well equipped with their hi-tech breatheability for snow.  I want boots. Big, warm, waterproof ones that come all the way up to my neck.  From L.L.Bean.  Boots, syrup, moon pies and teachers...Maine makes everything better.
7. iPad - Like I really have to explain this? The iPad is an iTouch that is too big  to go into my hoodie so I can't accidentally drop it into the bathtub while turning off Little B's bath water.  I can still hear the screams. 

8. Lasik Surgery - Each and every time I drop my contact onto my dusty, ignored bathroom floor, or when there is a tiny invisible piece of glass tearing my eyeball to shreds, I think about lasers in my eyes.  Lasers.  No contacts. No glasses. No blurred vision. No more wondering who chucked the eraser cap across the classroom. No more wondering if that is Steven Tyler or Jennifer Lopez.

9. More Time - More time to write, more time to cook, more time to spend with my family, more time to clean, more time to read, more time to think, more time to spend with God, more time to do all the things I love to do.  How can I ever become a famous vegan writer and self-taught know-it-all without more time?   

Now is the time for a game of Sorry! with Little B.  I hope I have time to win.