Saturday, April 23, 2016


A week from tomorrow I will attend the annual Scholar's Banquet at my high school. I think this is funny/awesome for a few reasons.

1) FUNNY: I think it's always hilarious when old people go back to their high school to do anything. Not because of embarrassment or anything like that. It's just a reminder of how swiftly time passes, that the days are long, but the years are short. This is mirrored in parenthood, especially as my sweet Little B prepares for middle school in the fall.

Pardon me. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

2) AWESOME: This event and its scheduled speaker provide a textbook example of nepotism. My mom plans the banquet every year and secures the speaker. At least she waited until her 19th banquet to subject the high-acheiving student body, faculty, and stakeholders of Indian Creek School District to this:

Those poor, unfortunate people. (Baby B's face is the perfect reference)

3) FUNNY/AWESOME: I am delivering speech. Now, I've never been one to be nervous in front of people and I'm more comfortable talking with strangers than I am acquaintances. A gentle reminder here that I am currently a student. Lucrative, I know. Not a cardiologist, lawyer, golf pro, CEO, etc like some of the former speakers. However, the hilarious part of this stems from the fact that I feel as though I have something to say that they actually need to hear. I've never been a human who exhibited tremendous focus and tenacity and this significantly affected my professional path in life. I appeared to be motivated. I probably would have told you I was motivated, but in all honesty...not so much.

I thought I would TedTalk this bad boy. Write it, revise, edit, and memorize.

Remember what I said earlier about appearing to be motivated?

My mom asked if I was going to be funny, but unfortunately, this is not in the cards. It's a relatively long and boring story with what I believe to be a semi-significant point. I figure if I can keep them off their phones for at least five of the 17 minutes, I will have succeeded. Isn't it awful that I think my speech will be less successful because I think I have a valuable lesson to share? Depressing.

And a sign of advanced age, I think.

4) FUNNY: I'm packing my big girl panties and am traveling alone, which is a first for me. I've never flown alone. I have never been without my family for four consecutive days EVER. I don't like this one bit, which is also pretty funny. I'm a 37-year-old student who's going off on her own for the very first time.

Don't worry. My mommy and daddy are picking me up at the airport.

5) AWESOME: As the speaker, I can invite a few guests. Since my sweet family isn't traveling with me, I requested to invite some former teachers. A few of them are actually coming, which makes my heart so happy. I might possibly cry. Considering I am a generally cold-hearted and unemotional pretty much guarantees I will ball like a sniveling idiot. (See also: FUNNY)

I can't wait to get home, spend some quality time with my parents, and share lots of pictures (including but not limited to Dean Martin murals, Giannamore's Pizza, and the Ohio River) that no one will care about but me!

You have a week to prepare for the onslaught. You have been warned.