I really want to be the person that creates a font specific to *sarcasm.* I would use it and write:
What a fun week!
Courier Bold Italic doesn't really do my brand of sarcasm justice, but settle, I must.
This week...
- I drove to Children's Mercy to have a doctor ask me why I was there.
- I heard the specialist tell me the same thing I've heard before.
- I spent over $85 on Daiya Shreds. (That's the king of alternative cheese, people.)
- Missed Little B's allergy lab call only to call back and have to wait another day because there weren't any nurses in the office.
- Saw my own doc for uncontrollable allergy/asthma issues (hello $169 inhaler, prednisone and 5 extra pounds - curse you 'increased appetite!').
- Spent half the night awake listening to and trying to care for my barking daughter, who has croup.
- Spent the other half of the same night with the cha-chas from allergy meds.
- Shopped at Big Black Hole Mart.
Now, I am completely aware that many of you had worse weeks, and I am sorry for that - but I am reserving my right to whine on my blog. You are more than welcome to go read an article about cows on a factory farm, marginalized workers in India, Lindsey Lohan, or someone else who had a worse week than you.
There were the good parts, too. Like feeding my sick friend a home cooked meal of vegan chili. I'm lucky I have a few peeps who willingly subject themselvs to my culinary experiments. I also passed off a couple of Cinnamon Roll JB Bars. Feedback has been good, except for Mr. B, who pushed it back across the kitchen table at breakfast with one bite missing. Apparently, I better stick to the Peanut Butter Cookie version with him. However, Little B, after much consideration, shook her head wildly that she loved them. I am relatively sure she is already tapping into my sensitivities in the kitchen.
With a smile, though, Mr. B did eat the quarter pound walnut/veggie burger I served him up for lunch.
I did finally get to speak to the nurse in the allergist's office. She couldn't give me each result for the celiac blood panel, but did add that Little B is allergic to cats. I am grateful this doesn't add to the list of what she can't eat. Although, I think I am the one who is really chiseling down her list on my own.
The doc Little B saw for the croup episode, suggested we cancel the appointment with the GI. No, it isn't normal for kids to be constipated, but it is common. This I agree with heartily. Mr. B thinks I just need to do what I think is best. When you think about the junk we feed ourselves and our kids, it's a wonder we aren't worse off than we are. I'm not quite sure that anyone has it completely right, but I am sure we can get there - even if it isn't what others think is right. Some might think I am barking mad - I guess this makes me a nutritional universalist.
And that's okay. Especially when you make Calzones for Dinner.
Homemade dough...
Yes, my measuring tools are just as warped as I am.
Loaded up with as much meat alternative and dairy free cheese as I could get my hands on in the middle of Kansas.
I'm just too lazy to type out the recipe...but homemade crust and soy meat galore: bacon, hamburger, and pepperoni. YUM.
Beats an old hot pocket any day.
Little B has been a virtual pin cushion this week. After an allergy scratch test and a super-fun, high decibel trip to the lab for a blood draw, we know a little bit more.
Holy Huevos, Batman!
Definitely not what I was suspecting - a live bat hanging in out tiny basement window (outside, thank you, Jesus!) or an egg allergy. It isn't a stop breathing, face swelling reaction, but we know she's allergic. Over the next two weeks, we have to perform THE CHALLENGE - no Jeff Probst to commentate. No eggs for 14 days, then we get to feed her one and see what happens! I am sure this will bode well with my bent toward gut-wrenching, debilitating anxiety. At first, we wanted to start it right away, but decided to wait until the weekend. Against my better judgement, I figured I'd go ahead and let Little B have the two cupcakes that were coming for fellow classmates' birthdays. Plus, her first slumber party was scheduled for the weekend. The girl had spent the last two days being poked and prodded. If she wanted a cupcake, she could have one.
Utter insanity. Just like a bat in my window.
A while back I mentioned an article that linked dairy hypersensitivity to emotional tantrums in children? Well, this is one of those times I wish I did have little voices in my head to remind me of that article. The screaming, throw herself down on the floor fit she threw out at my friend's house was straight 'out of high school to the draft' quality. Add this to the fact I took her directly to the hospital to have blood drawn - awesome day for me! Needless to say, the result affected me as well as Little B.
ME: Honey, I don't think you'll be able to have any homemade treats like cupcakes at school anymore.
LITTLE B: I think that's a good idea, Mama.
Thank the good Lord we got her off dairy before puberty. GAH!
Of course, dairy+egg+who knows what else was in those sugar-gut-bombs, wasn't going to make the situation better. Even though I have only one nerve left, I am still grateful for the normally sweet, endearing daughter Little B really is. She gave up dairy without a hitch and doesn't seem too disturbed by the egg discovery she has told almost every person she's seen over the last two days that she's only a little allergic to eggs. I suppose the next time she requests and Egg and Cheese Sandwich, we may see her dark side.
This coming Tuesday we are traveling to Children's Mercy in Kansas City to see a Surgical Specialist. Apparently, it is to see if she even knows how to poop (Little B, not the doctor). Mr. B believes this to be a waste of time and money, but another opinion is another opinion and I have become just obstinate enough to hold my own with Dr. Specialty. I had some relatively good practice with the allergist. I was glad that I knew before hand that a celiac is different from a wheat allergy. She seemed a bit surprised that I even asked the question,
ME: Now, a wheat allergy is different from celiac disease, which the scratch test wouldn't show, correct?
DR: Ummm.....yehs. She iz ahlso coufink at nieght. It cout be refloox.
ME: Okay, but she hasn't been coughing at night since we went off dairy.
DR: Vell, yoh do nat need meelk prodooks nutriceeonalee, speakink.
ME: I understand that. I want to rule out celiac disease.
DR: Eeet iz berry, berry rare, but we weel do dee blood test.
Sorry, she was Russian. I couldn't help myself.
Hence the fun blood test. That ordeal has made me wonder: What came first? Doctors treating symptoms OR patients wanting a quick-fix, leaving doctors no choice but to treat symptoms. People like to keep doing what they're doing without thinking of the consequences - this applies to what we put in our mouths, too! I read once that we should treat food as medicine: proper dosage, necessary ingredients. But the eat-to-live mentality is opposite of the American live-to-eat culture. Does the laxative work for Little B? YES! Extremely well in fact, but I want to know WHY she needs it! I also read that you shouldn't eat anything with ingredients a normal cook wouldn't keep in the kitchen pantry, and it seems that polyethylene glycol isn't a cupboard staple.
As I sit here typing, Mr. B just brought Little B back from her sleepover. I wonder what she ate, I wonder if she'll get sick, I wonder how long I'll stress about it.
Too long, no doubt.
Oh, a muffin or two will settle my nerves.
Wheat Germ Muffins
2 ripe bananas, mashed
1c. sugar
1 c. almond milk
1T. apple cider vinegar
1c. whole wheat flour
1/4c. soy flour
1T. baking powder
1/4 wheat germ
1T. cinnamon
1/2t. salt
Add the vinegar to the milk and set aside. Mix the dry ingredients thoroughly. Add all together - mixing until moist. Fill a generously sprayed muffin tin. Bake for about 25 minutes at 375*
Despite the amount of sugar, the are very 'healthy' tasting. Interestingly enough Little B ate 3.5 of these on Sunday was crying in pain from a stomachache come late afternoon. Ironic, is it not?
And now, my stomach hurts. GAH! I will not intentionally eat meat again...but that's another blog for another day!
