Sunday, July 18, 2010


So for the past three years my darling husband and I have been trying to find out what is wrong with my daughter's intestinal tract.

Aren't you excited to keep reading?

We've been to many different doctors, specialists, and crackheads to try and figure out what's up. No dice. The closest we've come to a diagnosis was "Lazy Colon." We were handed a carton of Miralax and sent on our way. Perturbed that my child has been doomed to a chemical concoction of words I can neither spell nor pronounce, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I do have my M.Ed. Take out the E and I'm practically a doctor.

Experiment OPERATION: NO COW commenced Friday, July 16, 2010.

If you didn't know this already, dairy is in EVERYTHING. Thank God I had a few eggs to scramble on Friday morning.

What? You may ask...What kind of mother starts her kid off on a diet with nothing to feed her?

That would be me.

We just recently returned from Cheesefest 2010. (a.k.a. one week with Grandma & Grandpa, followed by one week with Mimi & Papa) Of course, this wasn't their fault, it just happens that I tend to do a minimal amount of parenting and an excess amount of sleeping in when we visit our folks. She still got her medicine everyday, so things were running smoothly, if you know what I mean.

Anyhoo, the eggs, which she barely ate, somehow gave her enough energy to dance like a maniac all through the grocery store, where we were for an extremely long time. Let me just tell you now: the dairy-free pickins are slim in Kansas. Slim, my friends, very, very slim.

Her lunch that day consisted of pretzels, peanut butter, some fruit and chocolate soy milk. Please note the absence of anything green. This has kept on for the past three days. No green, lotsa poop and one fit of hysteria, in which I am fairly sure I heard, "Mama, I miss my cheese." Pained by her withdrawal, I decided to whip out some vegan mac & cheese for dinner. I would add a photo here, but it looked somewhat unappetizing to say the least. My vegan "It Melts!" cheese, did not do as promised. Unfortunately, it was the only cheddar cheese I could find. I live in the middle of Kansas, remember?

Despite its lackluster appearance, Mr. B loved it and even went back for seconds. Little B on the other hand complained about the pasta because the texture was funny on her tongue. Cursed whole wheat elbows!

If you are feeling adventurous, try it out for yourselves.

Mac & Fake
(Mr. B's delightful branding)

1/2 lb. elbow macaroni
2 T. vegan margarine
1/2 block silken tofu
2 T. unsweetened milk (I used almond)
1 t. salt
1/2 t. dry mustard (vain attempt at yellowness)
8oz vegan cheddar (You're on your own with this one)

-cook pasta, drain
-toss in margarine to coat
-blend tofu, milk, salt, mustard (I used an immersion blender)
-stir mixture into pasta
-add cheese
-pray for melting

I also popped mine into the toaster oven at 350* for 15 minutes
(and looked on the Internet for mail order vegan cheese while I waited).

Back into the fray...


  1. Yum....can we have that on game night?

  2. I cried I was laughing so hard at this post! I hope you can figure out your kiddo's tummy troubles.
    Here's my blog if you want to check it out.

    Jaimi Vore:)

  3. You have a gift my friend! Keep it up!