The Tissue Bandit

I got to stay home with Little B today.  I say 'got to' because I love taking care of my baby girl. I could also say 'had to' because my husband had not been into work yet this week.  For those of you who don't know, being a Worship Leader is more than showing up on Sunday morning and looking pretty. 

We are so blessed that his schedule is so flexible.  Me especially, because preparing for a substitute is worse than writing a months worth of lesson plans in Latin while standing on your head reciting the Gettysburg Address.  I think I've had to take two days off for her this year. 

I knew on Wednesday that I would take off today.  Little B was still running a fever.  Thanks to our good friend, Nurse Crazymom (she's not really crazy, it's her blog name :o), who came over with her otoscope, I got to see an infected ear for the first time.  Horrible for Little B, but awesome for me. 

NERD ALERT: I totally want an otoscope for my birthday. I am also totally not kidding.   

We were planning a quiet, relaxing day of puzzles, reading a Whoopi Goldberg children's book (don't ask), watching the Wild Kratts and taking naps. I did not plan on spending half the day picking up tissue.
Meet Bella, The Tissue Bandit.

Five pounds of tissue-loving evilness.

Puffs, Kleenex, whatever you want to call them - were strewn all over my house like an Alaskan white out. 

Little B and I picked up the remnants.  Mr. B blamed me for letting Bella get in Little B's trash can.  I blamed him for letting the dog get into the bathroom trashcan because I had just emptied her trash.  

Mr. B left for work and all was calm...until I noticed a second pile of evidence at the top of the stairs.  Little B was literally ankle deep in destroyed tissue.  I called crime scene clean up (Little B). 

As I crossed the room to yell at my dog (because yelling is the most effective trick with dogs, you know), something at the end of the hallway caught me eye. 

A tissue box.  

Right outside Little B's room I bent over to pick up the box.  Then I saw the damage. The Tissue Bandit had struck again with vengeance.  

The entire floor was covered with destroyed tissue. The bed was littered with whole tissues. The nightstand was a mess.  It finally hit me - my little dog was jumping up on Little B's bed then crossing onto HER NIGHTSTAND to get to the tissue box on the far side.  This also explained how we found a chewed up medicine cup on our bedroom floor.  

I was ready to abandon my veganism for 5 minutes for one last act of animal cruelty.  It was a good thing my friend, Nicole had just worked her amazing grooming magic on Bella.  Otherwise, I'd have gone over to the dark side.  ( I was going to say "eating Kung Pao Maltese, but thought that might be going to far.) 

To bring myself back down, I needed comfort food - and I got it. 

Seitan & Noodles

8 oz. wide Udon noodles

4 c. hot water

4 t. veggie better than bouillon

6 T. Earth Balance Margarine

6 T. Flour

1 T. dried basil

1 t. Spike 

1 t. salt

1 t. paprika

Few grinds of black pepper

8 oz. seitan, cut into bit size pieces

Prepare the noodles according to the directions, drain and set aside.  Dissolve the bouillon in the hot water and reserve.  In an oven-proof pan, melt the Earth Balance.  Add in the flour and spices, stirring constantly, about 2 minutes.  Add the bouillon mixture, noodles and seitan; toss.  Bake for 30 minutes in a 350* oven. 

If you don't have an oven-proof pan, you can simply bake it in a greased 9x13. 

This stuff was exactly what I had been craving: warm, comforting, noodlely goodness.  Next time, I might even challenge the carbohydrate gods and serve it with mashed potatoes, too. 

I'm so excited to eat it tomorrow, I've all but forgotten the Tissue Bandit.